Lost Hope

Dear God,

I cried today.

She said that she believed in you once, but gave up.

She knew about your gospel.

She didn’t understand it.  She couldn’t have or she couldn’t have given up.  She said that she just grew out of it.  It was just a phase.

She used to teach Bible studies and disciple youth group kids.

She said that she knew I’d need to “get it out of my system” when we became friends, but now that I knew where she stood, she didn’t want to talk about you anymore.

She knew I’d pray.  That was okay.

But no more God talk.

I needed the pain killers.

I don’t think I noticed the smell enough to think of the deodorant.

I was back and forth to the loo half the afternoon to hide my crying.

I left early and cried myself to sleep when I got home.

Father, you said you finish what you start.

Why is she walking in the opposite direction?

I wonder how much she wants my prayers.  Was it a dare, a resignation – or a request she was refusing to let herself make?

Please grant me the wisdom, endurance and patience for this journey, Lord.

Amen.

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