I get so scared of things sometimes that I tie myself in knots. But here’s the silly bit. I forget to ask you to help untangle me and show me the way through the frightening times. Thanks that you are an all seeing God who watches tirelessly and tends to me anyway. Help me to learn to ask for help earlier. Please. Please.
I think I’ve been having nightmares this week. I am so excited for Hamish. Yet to not be able to share this time of new faith with him more closely than planning how to rotate memory verses in my special spot that will suit him on Saturdays. It’s hard not to feel bitter towards Joel for that. Please don’t let Hamish be tempted to start lying so that he can do things like go to Sunday School or to the homes of Christians who Joel may not approve of or to hide his Bible. Help him to trust you in everything and Lord, please take care of his needs. Help Jonah to show him things with a wisdom that is yours rather than that of a ten-year-old and help his parents support him in ministering to the friend you have placed beside him. Father, if it pleases you, may I please have a chance to meet Jonah and his family?
Lord, Hamish is still such a young Christian, but still, may his faith be reflected in his deeds.
I was at Paul’s place to visit him and the girls – and do an extra drum lesson with Emily yesterday. She and Hamish have agreed that this week she will practice no more than she would in a normal school week since he stopped for her last week. Both have decided that this is fair.
Emily wasn’t all that focused on her lesson – which didn’t really bother me as it was an extra and she was still pretty tired physically. But partway through Emily stopped and asked me,
“Auntie Alciana, do you believe in God?”
I think there’s an elephant at the door about to find it’s way into the room …
“Yes, honey. You know I believe in God. You’ve heard me talk about him sometimes with your Mum.”
“Yeah. She believed in God too, didn’t she? But she used to say that you had to be pretty special for God and she wasn’t sure she was special enough – only she never knew I heard her tell you that.”
“I’m sad you heard her say that, because she was special enough alright!”
“Oh. I know. I remember last year when the two of you were so happy not long before she died. She said that it was pretty awesome to think that Jesus thought she was special enough to pay for her like he did!
“You’ve got big ears, Miss Emily, don’t you? She did say that, didn’t she?”
We both had tears in our eyes by now. The conversation that she was referring to happened in hospital not long before Lisa had died. After years of wishing that she could be a Christian and not believing it possible, she asked and was born again.
“I was mad at God before because she said that soon he was taking her to a new home to be with him not long after that. I think I thought he was just taking her away because she was his now – but you are a Christian and you’re still here and now Hamish is talking about all of this stuff and I’m scared that he’s going to get taken away too or that God will decide he needs you there not here and …”
Emily finished up in my arms in tears. I just held her and rocked her and – well you’ll remember the babble that probably would have made sense to no-one but you, Father. Eventually I just said,
“Em, I think we should get your Dad and have a good talk about some of this, hey …?”
“Are you worried Dad will be like Uncle Joel and not let you see me if you talk about God with me?” She suddenly looks terrified. She also doesn’t miss much that goes on around her.
“No.” she loses her look of fright, “but some of this he needs to know about, and I’m sure he’d be more comfortable knowing what you wanted to know about God too.”
So it was that we, hand-in-hand with blotchy red eyes and wobbly smiles we found Paul in his hammock reading a book.
What followed was an exhausting conversation where Emily – and Paul – asked a lot of questions with the end result that Paul suggested that if Emily already had questions about God, perhaps she should go to Sunday School where she could learn more and find out more about him.
I was stunned. It must have shown because Paul looked almost hurt by my surprise.
“I am not Joel. Lisa always believed in God and we talked a few times about getting the girls to Sunday School but never got ourselves organised enough to do it.”
“Really?” this from a very excited Emily. “I can go learn about God? Mummy wanted me to learn about God?”
And the girl who was so melancholy runs off towards her drums with yells of delight punching the air.
“Wow! This is exciting. I can hardly wait. I can be here at …”
“No – don’t worry. I’ll take both of them. It’s time I looked into the God my wife spent so much time thinking about. If she was right – she was heading his way last time I saw her alive.”
“You’re ready for this, Paul?”
“Emily is. She’ll come home talking about it anyway, ready or not. If what you’re always saying about him being trustworthy is anywhere near right – then I’ve got to be ready whether I go or not.”
He earns a hug for that.
Lord help Paul. Give him curiosity for the Word, not just a sense of duty to his wife. Thanks that the girls have a chance to learn about you through Sunday School.
Father, please help me tomorrow also as Gina and I start out with her first Cello lesson on an odd night. May I be a good teacher, a good friend and a good witness as well as good company for dinner afterwards.
See today an entry to Hamish Johns’ Secret Diary for an update on his journey.